COOKIES AND CRUNCHIES

365 Days of Thanksliving — Day 171

You’re probably looking at the title and thinking to yourself: “I like cookies too. I could easily see thanking God for a delectable, Ghirardelli Dutch-chocolate crinkle cookie.” And sure, those are fine and dandy. But here’s a cookie I truly miss (besides my gramma’s soft chocolate chip cookies, of course): Arlo Kuchenbecker’s monster cookies. Arlo who? Who dat?

Arlo was our head baker at the “new” Hy-Vee in Mankato, back when I worked there from ‘97 to ‘99. Sadly, he passed away in 2003 at the age of 51. Here’s a quirky fun fact for ya: Kuchenbecker, or Kuchenbäcker in German, literally translates to “cake baker.” You can’t make that stuff up. (And before you call it irony, folks, it’s actually an aptronym. Look it up). The man was a real-life Kuchenbäcker—a cake-baker by name and by trade.

But I digress; I wasn't intending this post to be a tribute to my former head Kuchenbäcker boss. That was just me chasing the squirrel. Squirrel!

Anyway, back to the title. Now that I have you drooling like a boxer over some warm monster cookies, let's get down to business. Today, the long-awaited box of cookies and crunchies finally arrived. Perhaps you’re wondering what flavors? Well, I’ll tell ya. The cookies are peanut butter and banana, made with oat flour. And the crunchies? Well, those are primarily beef collagen.

What, beef collagen doesn’t get your tastebuds going?

Plot twist: Dem-dar cookies-n-crunchies aren’t for us humans, ya see. They’re for the dogs. Enjoy the whiplash?

Last night, the wife and I were getting the absolute worst side-eye because there weren’t enough crunchies to go around. There was exactly one left in the bag, so rather than play favorites and spark a canine civil war, they both went without their evening snack. Oh, the horror. Just so we're clear, I offered our dog, Arlo (yes, named after the aforementioned baker), a double portion of cookies as a peace offering. He flat-out refused. The boy wanted his crunchie.

I kid you not, our 70-pound, four-year-old stood there beside the treat cabinet as the proverbial ASPCA music began playing in his head. His eyes drooped, and drool spewed forth from his jowls. We could almost hear Sarah McLachlan’s “In the Arms of an Angel” echoing through the kitchen. The dread was thick enough to cut with a knife. For just pennies a day, you too could save this poor, starving creature... who literally just ate dinner twenty minutes ago.

But today, thanks to the patron saint of packages (the FedEx guy), the restock arrived, and the boys will no longer find themselves wrongfully deprived. Both my email and my text messenger blew up to alert me.

I texted the wife: “The cookies and crunchies arrived.”

She replied, “I am aware. Thanks to Arlo.”

I should’ve known. Our K9 doorbell considers a rogue leaf blowing across the street a Level 5 national security threat, let alone the FedEx guy stepping onto the porch.

Tonight, we’ll once again have peace in the house, all thanks to a doggy DoorDash delivery. And for that, I am profoundly thankful. Ya know, it’s okay to be thankful for the little things in life—even the ones that simply keep your furry companions from guilt-tripping you into oblivion. After all, they love on us; who are we not to return the favor with a little extra beefy crunch?

What are you thankful for today?